She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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