Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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