You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i dont even know how to be here
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
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you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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