Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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