There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
