please come you make the beer taste better
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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