At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
