Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The Olympian is in my bed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
