Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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