Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
