so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize