based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
