Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
