Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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