My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
