We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
