I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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