The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
