just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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