Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
