I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
