Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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