Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
