Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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