If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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