so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue