i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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