well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.