last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
