i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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