do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
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Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic