fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.