I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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