You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
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You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
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You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass