I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
