it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
