so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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