I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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