I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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