Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
