They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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