I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
