I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
