if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
