We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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