Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
