How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
