i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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