I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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