the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
