Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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