Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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