We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
