he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
