end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
