i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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