Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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