tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
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