happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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