Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
