im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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