haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
