I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
