So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
