its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
