The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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