I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
