Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
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I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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