just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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