You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
