Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
