if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
