you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
