im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
