I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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