Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
