Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She bit a glass in half.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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