if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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