i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
