So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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