my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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