Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
